it’s been almost two months since our only child left for college. and it’s been a hard two months. there have a lot of tears, questions, letting go, and trusting. a door has closed. another one opened. not only for our daughter but for us. for me. as well. here are a few of the things i am learning…
#1 becoming an empty nester is an identity crisis
for almost eighteen years i have been a stay at home mom taking care of our girl. while i did have a couple of part time jobs while she was in school. she always came first. that meant i would take her to doctors appointments, school supply shopping. sign papers. and pick her up and take her to activities before she could drive. daily i would hear, “mom, could you do this?, mom, could you do that?, mom, don’t forget to sign this., mom, can we go shopping this weekend?, mom, i don’t feel good.” now, i am lucky if i hear “mom” more then once a week. yes…i do hear from her. and the questions have changed to “mom, which oats do i use to make overnight oats?, mom, what do you think about this option?”. but those aren’t daily instead, every couple of weeks.
the first couple of weeks. i would look at myself in the mirror. with tears. asking myself, “now what?” who am i now that i no longer have a child at home? what am i suppose to do? i am no longer a chauffeur, a doctor, helper. caregiver. plus we had made choices on what was best for her. what was best for our family as a whole. from the type of vehicle we drove, to the groceries we bought. to the activities we participated in. no…we didn’t let her dictate our lives. she didn’t demand from us. or expect things from us. instead we chose based on how to make her comfortable. safe. how to teach her about life the best way we could. to take care for herself. physically, mentally, and spiritually. but now…those choices we make don’t impact her the same way. it’s just my husband and i at home now…how are we going to chose?
#2 i had become a recluse
living on a farm and as an extremely shy introvert, i didn’t reach out to friends. i looked at our daughter as a built in friend. if i wanted to go to a movie, i’d asked her. a gallery opening…she went as my guest. shopping trips and girls weekends away were always with my girl. i didn’t think i needed to reach out to others. besides it’s extremely hard for me to reach out. even on social media… really? yes… sheesh. (enter eye roll). but now i realize how wrong i was. what i have missed within these walls of my comfort zone. i miss community. i miss sharing life. experiences. with others.
i have to force myself now, to reach out to friends. for coffee. for a slice of pie…caramel apple, yum! i’m going to force myself to go to a movie. eat at a restaurant. by myself. or with a friend. to go to that event by myself. trusting God will be with me. who knows, maybe i will meet a new friend. i have learned that 12-14 hours, six days a week on our farm, with just our dog, while my husband works, is too much alone-ness. even for this extremely shy introvert.
#3 God has her in His hand. i can trust Him
having our girl attend college in another state, is, oh so hard, on this mama’s heart. i practically begged God, El Shaddai, to make her go to a different college. one in state, and closer to home. but these two months, i have realized she is right where she is suppose to be. she is thriving, making friends, likes (most) of her classes. joining clubs. and has a job. but it’s still hard for me to let go of control. God is showing me that she was His before she was ours. so even though it takes six hours for her to come home, is rock climbing…(yes! she joined a rock climbing club), is on a campus of 13,000 students and knows nobody, I can trust Him to take care of her. she is not letting go of Him. and He is not letting go of her.
where one season comes to a close, another one begins. God as allowed an open door. in that He has provided a tiny space. close to our downtown, that has become my art studio. and will soon be an art boutique. i am being forced to become part of our community. and while i’m excited to see God work in that tiny space, i have to admit i was sick to my stomach when i signed the lease. so here is to new beginnings…
“for everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”